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Attention residents of the Cape Breton Regional Municipality (CBRM). We could have a dilemma on our hands.
A recent decision by our regional council has many of our children worried. They fear that Santa won’t be able to visit homes this year. It seems the CBRM council voted to ban all nighttime parades; especially any decorated vehicles or floats with lights.
Doesn’t Santa’s sleigh have sparkling lights? Isn’t Rudolph’s nose so bright it can be seen for hundreds of miles? Don’t the councillors realize Santa doesn’t come during daylight? How short-sighted.
This decision even prompted me to write a poem:
Let there be light
So many CBRM children are worried it seems.
Will no nighttime parades dash their Xmas dreams?
If Santa Claus is planning to come their way,
wouldn’t he have to do so during the day?
That CBRM bylaw has caused quite a fuss.
But respect the bylaw jolly old Santa must!
Although he has many gifts in his well-lit sleigh,
will he be allowed to hand them out on his way?
How could a group with such collective vision
deliver such a troublesome, short-sighted decision?
The parade decision reminds me of another decision many years ago when a student was struck by a car while leaving school following a Halloween party. The principal banned Halloween parties for the next 15 years despite the fact nothing happened to the other 300 students attending that school, or any student attending 12 other schools in the area.
Didn’t the same potential exist every day at dismissal time? Wouldn’t having a couple of junior high crosswalk guards or teachers accompany students to the crosswalks have alleviated the problem? The principal obviously felt he had to do something, but didn’t have to give it much thought because he was the boss.
Such a short-sighted decision reminded me of an anatomy joke I once heard.
Some body parts were arguing over who should be boss. The brain said it should be because it was the smartest. The eyes said they should be because they had the greatest vision. The lungs said they should be because they were the biggest. The heart argued that it should be because it was the strongest. The anal sphincter became annoyed with the silly arguing and decided to go on strike. The brain soon became foggy, the eyes became blurry, the lungs gasped, and the heart almost stopped.
The moral of this story is simple: you don’t necessarily have to be the smartest, strongest, biggest or have the greatest vision to be boss. Sometimes all it takes is a stubborn, short-sighted, anal sphincter. Bah, humbug!