EDITOR'S NOTE: Wesley Colford uses the pronouns they/their.
WRITER'S NOTE: This is the first of two articles about Wesley Colford's journey, which is about their coming out and their life after.
SYDNEY - There were two times in Wesley Colford's life where life became rewardingly clearer.
The first was at age eight after getting glasses for the first time. The second was four months ago when they came out as gender fluid non-binary panromantic asexual..
"I needed glasses for years...Finally, I got glasses and I could see everything. Before that, I just had assumed that after a couple of metres, I'm nearsighted so I thought you can see close to you and after a few metres your vision drops off, that's just how eyes work," Colford said.
"When I left the eye doctors, I could see the leaves on trees for the first time. And it was such a beautiful clarity. It was right in front of me my entire life but I'd never been able to see it. And it seems I had that realization, when all those pieces fit together, that's what it felt like, the relief, the peace, the joy of being able to identify the feelings I'd been feeling and the uniqueness that I hadn't intuitively been able to define."
Being gender fluid non-binary means Colford doesn't identify with either male or female genders and may flow in between the two. Being panromantic asexual means Colford is attracted to people, regardless of their sexual or gender identity, and enjoys having romantic relationships but isn't interested in sexual relationships.
Highland Arts Theatre and a driving force behind its creation and successes, coming out publicly as non-binary panromantic asexual in a video they posted to their Facebook page on March 21 has also boosted their self-esteem.
"It was the elephant in the room. Even people I talked to (while trying to figure out their identity) had suspicions before I did. There has definitely been an insecurity or a question mark that's filled my life. And until this year, I had not been able to answer that question. This is the answer to the question," Colford said.
"And since I've made that discovery and I've articulated that, my confidence, my freedom, my joy, despite going through one of the most horrible periods of times in my life as far as the pandemic...and personally, internally, it's something of a world of relief that I have never experienced."
There was a bit of fear for Colford after they finished their coming out video, and they waited two weeks before posting it.
"My biggest fear wasn't what people would say about me, or how they would judge me...Through my life I was bullied as a child, I was called derogatory things...I'd come up against that more of adversity before so that was never really a concern for me," they explained.
"I was much more fearful from the liberal side of things and...I felt very much like I was an imposter and I wasn't necessarily going to be included in this (LGBTQ+) community that to me made so much sense."
'SAME PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH'
Before that, Colford feared how their partner of more than two years, Rachael Murphy, would react to their coming out.
"She wasn't shocked, but I am sure it wasn't easy for her," Colford said. "I didn't expect her to want to continue (our relationship) but she is adamant that she does. That certainly made it a lot easier."
Murphy, 22, said the thought of leaving Colford didn't cross her mind.
"Nothing really changed for me because they are still the same person that I fell in love with. I'm going to cry now," she said with a little laugh as she tried to hold back tears.
"I love them so much. This really isn't about me. They were going through more than I was and we had talked about some of their feelings in the past...When they told me, I was like, OK. That's good. What's next?"
Colford came out to Murphy before making or posting the video and Murphy said besides getting used to using different pronouns, nothing changed in their relationship.
"(When they told me) I was like, yeah, that makes sense," said the South Bar resident. "But they aren't any different than they were before. But now it's like I can tell they are a lot more confident and they feel better about themselves."
Like Murphy supported Colford instantly, many others did as well. Colford said they've received support for their family, friends, people in the LGBTQ+ community and Highland Arts Theatre regulars. And they hope they can give others the support they have received by sharing their story publicly.
"Hopefully my story can give them the confidence to know they can express and embrace themselves in whatever way they feel is right, at whatever age they are."
