True love is free. At least, it should be. As we prepare to celebrate Valentine’s Day on Friday, I am grateful that this is a time that recognizes the emotion that makes our world go ’round.
People have been celebrating the special day since about 500 AD. And it only became commercialized around 1840 when the first mass-produced cards were sold. Prior to that, it was a day when folks gave handmade items to declare their love.
Today, it has become a gold mine for retailers, florists and restaurateurs.
The old joke: “what’s the difference between a $20 steak at a restaurant and a $55 one? Answer: Valentine’s Day — which may or may not be true.
But we do all know that the best thing about Valentine’s Day is Feb. 15 when all the chocolate goes on sale.
A new word I learned this week that goes along with the special day is — macushla. It’s an Irish term of affection and endearment that derives from “my” and “cuisle,” which means pulse.
Also new to me is a 36-question relationship test from the 1990s that appears to have stood the test of time. In fact, I first heard about this recently on a current daytime talk show.
So grab your own macushla when you have about 45 minutes, and nurture your own intimacy with the following questions created by psychologist Arthur Aron and his partner, Elaine.
Aron says the questions will result in friendship, romance and even marriage.
Their questions continue to be widely circulated including in publications such as Readers Digest, Psychology Today and more recently, The New York Times. The full set of 36 questions can be found at several links on the internet by googling “36 questions to fall in love.”
While space won’t allow all the questions to be asked here, I have chosen some that seem the best to create intimacy and knowledge about our friends. These questions can be used on a first date, among people who are platonic friends or by those who have been married 50 years.
Questions:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
- What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common?
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
- Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- Is there something you have been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it.
- What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
- How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most people?
- How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
- Tell your partner what you like about them. Be very honest this time, saying things you might not say to someone you have just met.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Apparently, the Arons even used these questions at dinner parties to help their guests get to know each other better. And beware: although it could take just 45 minutes for a couple to get through the questions, it has been reported that some folks spent about five hours answering them — but it was a very enjoyable five hours.
So, get to know someone better this week. And take the time to tell people in your life how you feel about them. You can never share too much love.
Rosemary Godin is a retired clergy and print journalist. She lives with hubby and Chuck (the dog) in Westmount where she learns a new word every day – and some are repeatable. You can reach her at: [email protected].
