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HEATHER HUYBREGTS: There’s more to Heather than meets the eye

Got questions? Heather has answers.
Heather has answers - and questions - 123RF Stock Photo

I’m done with writing stories about parenting. And stories about isolation. And, mostly, stories about parenting in isolation. You’ve had enough too, no doubt.

But what else is there?

I called one of my creative pals to ask for her advice on a novel topic. She, too, was unable to recall a time before kids ‘n COVID.

Which is crazy. Sure, I have youngsters, with whom I’ve been trapped inside four walls for many weeks (months?) now. But that’s not all I’m about. I was a hip and happening gal before all of this. I had things to say and space to think my thoughts. I did fun stuff. And I had friends who I was allowed to be near, and we had stimulating conversations about life.

So enough with the tales of exhausted parenting from within a bubble. Enough with the confessions of questionable self-care and solitude-induced confusion. You deserve to hear about what a wild and wonderous woman I truly am.

I asked two of my closest friends - to protect their identities, let’s call them “Hans Gruber” and “Jonathan” - to answer some questions about me. I wanted to illustrate there is so much more to this free-spirited, young(ish) woman than I’ve conveyed thus far.

Time to let the freak-flag fly!

Interview - 04-05-20, 19:17 - Items transcribed verbatim:

Me: Hey guys. Thanks for being here with little to no notice … or choice. Let’s dive right in. *clears throat* If I could go anywhere in the world, where would I go?

Hans Gruber (age three years): Grammy’s?

Jonathan (age seven years): I don’t know… St. John’s? Or Calgary?

Me: *bewildered* … Okay… um… What is my dream job?

Hans Gruber: Uhhh… lions and tigers?

Me: Lions and tigers. Ok… ?

Jonathan: The job you already have?

Me: Moving on. If I could eat any meal, from anywhere in the world, what would it be?

Hans Gruber: Doughnuts?

Jonathan: Probably something we don’t like.

At this point, I could tell my friends were ready to delve deeper…

Me: You guys… what is love?

Hans Gruber: Uh… a heart?

Jonathan: I don’t know.

Hans Gruber: Ow, ow OOWWWW, my owwie! *splashing bath water*

Me: *to Jonathan* Ok but… what do you think it is?

Hans Gruber: It’s hearts?

Me: Ok yes, thank you “Hans Gruber,” that’s still a good answer. “Jonathan,” what about you?

Jonathan: … I really don’t know.

Me: Just say anything. Anything at all.

Daddy - er- I mean, “Gretchen”, another friend who entered the bathroom - I mean studio: Well, “Jonathan”, what do you love?

Me: “Gretchen” please don’t paraphrase the questions.

Gretchen: Yeah, I know, I’m just trying to--

Jonathan: Nintendo?

Me: Next question! What were we doing before we were born?

Jonathan: That’s actually a really hard question.

Me: Yeah.

Hans Gruber: *holding foot* Ow, owww, owwwww aaaaahaaaaa…

Gretchen: Just put it in the water, stop playing with it!

Me: *examining Hans Gruber’s owie* Not too bad, buddy. Now, “Hans Gruber,” what were we doing before we were born?

Hans Gruber: *returning foot to water* Uhhhh... toys?

Me: *gulping pinot grigio* What were we doing with the toys?

Hans Gruber: *reconsidering his previous answer* In my car?

Me: Okay, um… What happens when we sleep?

Jonathan: It’s like… your mind is still open, and you have these crazy thoughts. But for me, sometimes when I’m in a deep sleep, I think of nothing. It’s weird because you’re just asleep, but nothing happens.

Me: Yeah… that is weird.

Hans Gruber: *5.5 seconds of fart bubbles*

Jonathan: Disgusting!

Me: *ignoring everything* Who is my biggest hero?

Hans Gruber: Love?

Me: Okay, what person is my biggest hero?

Hans Gruber: Grammy?

Jonathan: Oh my goodness, I don’t know… Daddy?

Me: *dummying remainder of pinot grigio* What am I really good at?

Hans Gruber: Animals?

Me: I’m really good at animals?

Hans Gruber: *nods*

Gretchen: You know how to draw them, maybe, is what he means?

Me: *whispering to Gretchen* You’re not part of this interview.

Jonathan: You’re good at a lot of things.

Me: Aww, thanks, “Jonathan”. Can you name one?

Jonathan: … I’m trying to think…

*2.5 minutes of silence*

Me: What bothers me the most?

Hans Gruber: Uhhh… Poppy?

Jonathan: This is hard…

Gretchen: Like, for example, what bothers me is mess. *gives me accusing side-eye*

Hans Gruber: *fart bubbles*

Jonathan: *laughing*

Hans Gruber: *laughing* Farts!

Gretchen: *trying to save interview, to Hans Gruber* Farts bother you?

Me: Ok this is the last question, so I want you to take it seriously. Where do you see me in 10 years?

Hans Gruber: On the car.

Me: ON the car?

Hans Gruber: Yeah.

Me: So... what am I doing on the car?

Hans Gruber: Playing.

Me: So in 10 years, you see me playing on top of the car?

Hans Gruber: Yeah. And dancing.

Jonathan: That is an impossible question.

Hans Gruber: *reconsidering answer, a knowing look on his face* On high school?

__________________________________________________

And so there you have it. I am so much more than a tired, cabin-fevered mother. I am rife with layers and dreams and potential.

I am grateful to my dear friends, Jonathan and Hans Gruber, for their candor. And for allowing me to conduct the interview during bathtime.

Stay cool, folks!

Heather Huybregts is a mother, physiotherapist, blogger, YouTuber and puffin whisperer from Corner Brook, N.L.

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