Quick! Someone call Ashton Kutcher and tell him that investing in tech is out and starting your own business is in. The first rule of being a celebrity is: Don’t tell anyone about your nose job, but the second rule is: Being rich is just a stepping stone to being richer. I’m privy to the celebrity rules because 12 years ago I had a non-speaking role in a community theatre production of A Christmas Story, so I know a thing or two about the limelight. Here are some celebrity businesses worth supporting.
Hello Bello, by Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard
I’m such a big fan of Dax’s podcast, Armchair Expert, I would buy the discarded toenail clippings of the Bell-Shepards but luckily, they aren’t selling toenails, they’re selling clean, organic, affordable products. Are they designed for babies? Yes. Am I a baby or do I have possession of a baby? No. But it’s 2019 and wiping with toilet paper is insufficient, so get yourself some hypoallergenic wipes with aloe and chamomile. Will the plant-based lotion with organic jojoba seed oil, avocado, calendula and cucumber pay your mortgage and fill your car up with gas? Not exactly. But it will make your skin soft, healthy and smelling like someone who can afford to shop at Whole Foods. Do you have a Tesla parked in the garage? Because it smells like you could.
Skims, by Kim Kardashian
Kim launched a shapewear line that is super soft, supportive and stretchier than a perfectly cooked mozzarella stick (you know you just pictured that cheese pull). There are nine different shades, three support levels, four different collections and sizes ranging XXS to 5XL. I haven’t purchased any for myself because my daily uniform of sweatpants and pyjama shirts was specifically chosen for the purpose of having nothing skim my body, but if I ever get invited to anything requiring a leg shave, I’ll purchase some Skims.
Hello Sunshine, by Reese Witherspoon
In 2016 Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rodski and Otter Media formed Hello Sunshine, a media company focused on telling female-driven stories. Hello Sunshine and its many branches have produced Gone Girl, Wild, and Big Little Lies. They are currently filming Little Fires Everywhere (for Hulu) and it is rumoured they are developing Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine into a movie (I highly recommend the book). Reese also has a book club with over 500,000 followers on Instagram, where she announces the book of the month. Basically, whatever Reese tells me to watch, read or listen to, I will. I hope you feel the same about me even though I own zero houses and have accomplished nothing but a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle in the last four years.
Celebrity endorsements often work because they have a large reach, are recognizable and, in this case, they make excellent baby products, shapewear, and entertainment. If all else fails, always get Costco brand. I still have a dumpster size container of Kirkland laundry detergent from 2004.
Keely Turner takes a look at pop culture through the eyes of an Island girl with a big city attitude. She's also a pretty rad entrepreneur, marketing specialist and writer. Her column, Keelywood, will appear monthly in The Guardian. Reach out to her by email at [email protected] or on Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat. Search for Keely Turner.
