With help from sons Finn, Charlie and Owen, who are very knowledgeable about costumes and NFL football, here is the list:
Invisible Man - Chris Johnson has not shown up for any games for the Titans this season. What happened to this guy who ran for over 2,000 yards just two years ago?
Dracula – Defensive end Jarod Allen truly likes the taste of opposing quarterbacks’ blood. He already has 11.5 sacks in only seven games on a poor Minnesota defence.
Robot - Just like a mechanical machine that keeps repeating itself, quarterback Aaron Rodgers keeps throwing touchdowns, touchdowns and touchdowns - winning, winning and winning.
Batman and Robin - The dynamic duo has now moved to Detroit from Gotham City – Matt Stafford and Calvin Johnson.
Twins - Both brothers Clay Matthews and Chase Matthews have the long hair, the pedigree and play linebacker. But only one has any game, and we know who that is!
Hershey Kiss - Perhaps a kiss will be more appropriate when Coach Harbaugh and Coach Schwartz meet to shake hands next time.
Baby Soothers - For all the starting rookie quarterbacks who are doing quite well – Blaine Gabbert, Cam Newton, Andy Dalton and Christian Ponder.
Casper The Ghost - To all the Eagles’ players who have done a great disappearing act the first six games. Will they reappear soon?
Superman - The Freak doesn’t appreciate the end-zone dances. But when Newton scores a touchdown and pretends to rip open his shirt like Superman, it’s quite good.
Stat of the week
It was almost a guarantee in the past that when a rookie quarterback started those teams would lose more than they win. Last week, Gabbert (Jags) and Newton (Panthers) won while the Vikes’ Ponder lost. It was a good week for the rookies.
Pet peeve of the week
The NFL is trying to crack down on the number of concussions while the players are complaining about too many rules, because the league wants to protect the head.
With the Giants off last Sunday, The Freak was surfing all the games, and there must have been five helmets that came flying off during a tackle. If anyone has tried on the new helmets, and if they are properly inflated with air, it’s impossible for them to come off that easily. It seems NFL players are wearing them for comfort, not protection.
Coach Parcells quote of the week
“I want beavers. What do beavers do other than chop down trees? Nothing, it just chops trees. I want guys who just think football."
The sure thing
Nice schedule for the "Big Easy" team called the Saints. Last week Indy, and this week the Rams on the road. Same big result – Saints win easily.
The Ravens are a funny team. They have trouble with poor teams on the road (Titans, Jags), but are a different monster at home. In the battle of the birds, the Ravens send the Cardinals flying back south in a hurry. Baltimore wins.
The Browns are struggling offensively, and now must travel out to the West Coast to face the rested 49ers. There are a couple of sure things in this game – the 49ers will outscore the Browns by at least 10 points, the cameras will be watching the handshake and Coach Harbaugh’s handshake won’t be so hard on Coach Shurmur’s hand.
Don’t mortgage the house picks
The Bills play a home game in Toronto, and let’s hope a big, energetic crowd shows up to cheer on a solid Buffalo team. Washington has no quarterback, they lost their best running back and wide receiver last week and head across the Canadian border looking for a win. Buffalo gives the Redskins an unpleasant welcome to Canada as they win Canadian style – physically pounding the Skins.
The Pats visit Pittsburgh in a great matchup to see who the best team in the AFC is. This game could mean something come playoff time. One thing for sure is the Steelers will try and rough up Tom Brady to get him out of rhythm while Big Ben will stand in the pocket until the last second to allow his receivers to get open. The Steelers, statistically, have the best pass defence in the NFL for a reason, and the Pats have the worst. This game comes down to these stats. Pittsburgh wins a very exciting game.
The Freak’s buddy, Bucky, who lives in Charlotte, will be watching his Vikings take on the Panthers. He will get to see first hand Minnesota’s future quarterback, Ponder, and also see the future quarterback of the Panthers, Newton. In the battle of rookies, Bucky will see why Newton was drafted No. 1. Panthers win – and he decides to buy his son, Spencer, a Newton jersey.
The Freak hates doing this to his Giants, but the Dolphins will upset them in New York.
This pick makes sense because of three important reasons. First of all, the Giants are only 4-3 (won-lost) under Coach Coughlin after the bye week.
Secondly, they seem to play to the level of their competition. Remember the loss to the Seahawks at home a few weeks ago? Now they face winless Miami.
Finally, this looks like a trap game with the Pats, Saints, Eagles, Cowboys, 49ers and Packers on the upcoming schedule. What are the chances they don’t look ahead, and forget about playing the Dolphins?
Pretty good, if you look at the Giants’ track record!
Last week: 6-for-7 (85.7 per cent).
Season 38-for-50 (76 per cent).
John Turner is a Summerside schoolteacher. His column appears every Saturday during the NFL season. Feel free to e-mail questions and comments to the firstname.lastname@example.org.